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TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11. After years of keeping her mouth shut, horse-faced actress Jennifer Aniston finally removed the bridle and spoke out against that husband-stealing, collagen-infused trollop Angelina Jolie. In the December issue of Vogue, Aniston stomped her hooves in fury over the fact that Jolie once provided reporters with a detailed timeline of how she fell in love with Brad Pitt (Jen’s ex) on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith. “There was stuff printed there that was definitely from a time when I was unaware that it was happening,” Aniston said. “That stuff about how she couldn’t wait to get to work every day? That was really uncool.” In response to Aniston’s outburst, Jolie shot back, “Did you really just say ‘uncool’? What are you? In junior high? In that case, let me talk to you in a language you might understand. BOOM! I got your man, Seabiscuit! Now why don’t you go eat a carrot.” (Oh, sweet lord, how we wish Angelina had actually said that.)
